Tuesday, March 27, 2012

The one-year mark...

March 25th marked one year since my sons were taken away from me by DHS.

Today was court, where all parties involved said, "Yes, we agree with the change in plans for the kids," and the judge makes a note of it for when we go to court to actually put the change into action. (At least, I think that's how my attorney explained it!)

I was stressing out about the day already, so I took an extra 25mg of my Zoloft to help keep me calmer. I was still shaking a bit, but not at all like the last time (I think it helped that there were very few people waiting to be in court today--- perhaps because of Spring Break?).

Things went smoothly, for the most part. Toward the end of the hearing, the kids' attorney asked me to tell the court how our visitation schedules are going where my daughter is concerned, and I had to admit that every time I've made plans to see her, she's canceled it, so I haven't seen her since before New Year's. (Everyone rushed to reassure me that it was "the age," and not to take it personally.) I also told the judge that we do text more frequently, and that DD had sent me a photograph, which the judge requested to see.

I hesitated, then said it was on my cellphone. The judge smiled and said, more or less, "Oh, I know how that is!" My attorney told me to go ahead and fetch the photo from my phone, and then took the phone up to the judge, who smiled at it. I told her, from where I still sat at the table, "She knit that hat herself!"

My attorney then told her that I also do some knitting (I'd shown her the shawl on which I was working that morning), and then the judge really surprised me by saying, "I know Ms. Frey does crafty things--- I see her every year at the Black Sheep Gathering!"

o.0

Wow.

Either I'm really weird, or I'm really memorable in another way. I'm amazed that I've been remembered from a once-yearly event in which I merely pass through as a spectator!

Friday, March 2, 2012

The next step...

It's coming up on one year since my kids were taken from me by DHS. By that point, the state of Oregon wants a plan in place--- either a "return to home..." or adoption.

Actually, they're being a little more lenient with me--- DHS is suggesting a third option: a durable guardianship.

I'm told that what this means is that I still have a chance to get my sons returned to me (not my daughter, since she has been adamant that she will not return home to me, although she has never explained why).

I know that this is a good thing... but I'm still hesitant, scared, wary.

My SIL will have complete control over my sons. Supposedly I have some say currently... and I will lose that. But I'm told by Anastasia that when I feel I am able to take care of my sons' mental and physical welfare as well as my own, I will be able to go to court to petition that they be returned to my custody.

Somehow, I'm reassured, the court will decide whether or not this is true, and my SIL will have no say in the matter.

But I still am afraid I will never get them back.