Where have I been??

Just found this neat little map-thing, where I can post where I've been in the United States. Here ya go:


visited 8 states (16%)
Create your own visited map of The United States

I would have been to Colorado and Florida by this time, but we had to cancel the Bahaman cruise my best friends were taking my kids and me on last August. We'll try again next summer, unless something changes between now and then.

Back to your regularly scheduled lives.....

One year....

It's been a whole year since Scott, my husband of nearly 10 years (come December) was ordered to move out of our house to protect our children from him.

It's been a long, long year.

We've come a long way, baby! And I am not going back now!

Yes, it's been difficult.

Yes, I've had my hands full of a son who has been diagnosed with both RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder) and severe ADHD and his younger brother who idolizes him and mimics him whenever possible.

Yes, their older sister has been just about as big a handful, especially when she hamstrings herself by badmouthing me to her friends and their parents. (I'm still snickering over that!)

Yes, it's difficult financially when our support was cut by nearly 2/3rds in February.

Yes, it's made even harder by the fact that now Older Son, because he's acted out sexually toward younger kids, including his brother, cannot be unsupervised at all around any children, including his brother... and that due to this happening, we've discovered that Scott did much, much more sexual abuse to Older Son (and probably Younger Son as well) than either has previously admitted to (Scott NEVER has... but now the detectives are back on the case!). My poor boys!

By Golly! We're going to get through this, and the first year of healing is finished! *punches the air with a fist*

Lawn swift? Excuse me, it's LANSWYFTE!

My landlady is upset about something. I can't imagine why she would go so berserk over my lawn otherwise!

On Monday night, July 12th, I received the following e-mail from her:

Jo,
I was at Anthony's yesterday and saw that the yard has not been cleaned up. It looks filthy and, despite notice from the City almost two months ago, it does not look as if you have made any effort. You have lived in that house for several years now, and must know part of renting a house is maintaining the yard, so I can see no reason you have not acquired a lawn mower by now. If you do not want to maintain a yard you may be happier in an apartment.
Please correct the problem, including mowing what is left of the yard, inside and outside the fencing, in the front and back and side yards; remove all depris and remove all blackberries on the property within one week, and keep it maintained. If you want fire wood for heat it needs to be stacked neatly in a pile away from the house. If you don't want it please ask Anthony to remove it from the property. He can sell it with the other wood he has from the trees. You mentioned in a previous email that you would have to use a sissors to cut the grass. I don't care if you decide to use a sissors, there is no excuse for letting it get in the condition it is in. If you do not correct the problem by July 20th you need to find living arrangements elsewhere, and have 30 days to do so, with prorated rent due for August by August 1st.
As to the person you informed me you had moved in, you do not have permission to add additional people to the rental agreement. You said she was there to help you but it looks like things are deteriorating instead of getting better. Please ask her to find other arrangements. If you were working, and needed day care so you can go to work, I might consider allowing you to add another person in the future. I have not heard that that is the circumstances now and see no reason to add to my liabilities. When I rented that house to you I charged a rental amount below market and have never raised the rent. In exchange I expected you to take good care of it. If I cannot depend on you to do so I will be hiring a rental management company to oversee the property and the rent will be increased to cover my expenses.
Please notify me as soon as the yard is cleaned, if you intend to stay, and I will have someone stop by to make sure it is satisfactory.
Thank you,
Suzanne


Um... I'm guessing she didn't talk to Anthony when she was here. She certainly didn't speak to me, or she'd have known that I was actually working on the backyard on the previous Friday, but ran out of weedeater line before I could finish the back or tackle the front. And if she even took time to think about it, she'd have realized that she'd have been fined by the city had it not been done earlier!

At any rate, I sent out an S.O.S. to my family, and Josh and Rich came to the rescue.

Tuesday afternoon, Josh rode up on his bicycle, and while he worked on mowing the front lawn with my reel mower (which needed adjusting badly, although I'd no idea how to do it), I worked on cutting and pulling out the blackberries around the house. Josh finally gave up on the mowing, after going over the same section repeatedly with no visible results.

This morning Rich dropped off both Josh and a lawnmower, with the promise of returning to pick him up later. Josh mowed the front yard, the front ditch, and tackled about 1/3 of the back before the hidden chunks of wood stopped him.

At one point while he was mowing the patch of grass under the cherry tree, he stopped and looked at me, where I was pulling weeds.

"Now I know it wasn't your mower that was the problem--- it was the grass," he informed me.

"Seriously?" I asked, surprised. I mean, he was using a gas-powered mower this time!

"Yep. I've gone over this section several times with this mower. The grass just doesn't want to be cut. I think this grass has been genetically engineered to resist cutting!"

Why doesn't this surprise me?

At any rate, we spent the day ripping up weeds, cutting grass, and moving wood from one part of the backyard to another so that Josh could continue mowing.

Tonight my visiting teacher came by, and I told her what was happening with the landlady's having sent that e-mail. She told me she'd try to find out who was my home teacher, and send him over to help.

Less than an hour later, a red pickup pulled into my driveway, and a man stepped out and knocked on my back door. He (I'm guessing) is my home teacher--- Jeff something-or-other.

I filled him in on the situation, and showed him what needed to be done, and he told me he's got a troop of Boy Scouts who do this sort of thing as fundraisers, so they have chainsaws, a hydraulic splitter, and lots of helping hands... and now they are scheduled to come over Thursday night at 5:30pm to get this show on the road.

Don't nobody badmouth the LDS church--- they have done more for me and my kids than my husband's family has done in the eleven months he's been out of the house!

Forget the Tour de France--- it's the Tour de Fleece!

I belong to a fiber forum called Ravelry, where I started as a crocheter who was learning to knit... and now I've finally figured out how to spin, officially, on May 31, 2010! I bought my first two spindles in 2004, bought three more, of various types, as well as a spinning wheel in September 2009... but still couldn't figure out the drafting part of spinning until the end of May, as I said.

That said, I'm now a spinning fiend, so I decided to join Ravelry's Tour de Fleece 2010. It goes on during the Tour de France--- while those competitors spin, we're spinning, too. :D

Copied and pasted from Ravelry:

Welcome to our group for participants in the annual Tour de Fleece spin-along during the Tour de France. The concept is simple, They spin, we spin. A real spinning themed spin-along.

If you want to give it a try, or just follow our progress, or are a fan of the Tour de France, JOIN!

This Tour de Fleece started in 2006 on the blog, Keep on Knitting in the Free World. Sorry for the confusion, but there is another Tour de Fleece on the web as well!

Tour de Fleece 2007 info here. Tour de Fleece 2008 and 2009 happened here on Ravelry in this group. Check out the pages for the archives.

This year the Tour de Fleece starts Saturday July 3rd and runs until Sunday July 25th, 2010.

Guidelines (NOT RULES):

1. Spin every day the Tour rides, if possible. Saturday July 3rd through Sunday July 25th. Days of rest: Monday July 12th, Wednesday July 21st. (Just like the actual tour)
2. Spin something challenging Thursday July 22nd. (The Tour’s toughest mountain stage from Pau up the legendary Col du Tourmalet)
3. Take a button if you want one. Then we can use the button on our blogs in show of solidarity. Take it from here or grab a clean one from the flickr pool. Come join the flickr pool!
4. Wear yellow on Sunday July 25th to announce victory. Why not wear yellow on any day you feel particularly successful? (Yellow is the color of the race leader in the Tour - but here we are all ‘race leaders’)
5. Other colors if desired: Green (sprinter - think FAST), Polka-dot (climber - as in uphill), and white (rookie)

Teams: Join one, or many, or none.

* Rookies (first years)
* Sprinters (fast and/or high mileage like lace)
* Climbers (conquer mountains, big personal challenges)
* Breakaway (Art yarns)
* Peloton (The main group. Everyone is in the peloton at some point)
* Lantern rouge (You will participate as much as possible but you may skip days here and there. Cheerleaders welcome.)
* Wildcards (This is for people who want to form their own team. This includes sponsored teams, like those affiliated with a specific fiber shop or people who live in the same town, etc.)

The teams are inspired by the actual Tour de France. The purpose of the Tour is a challenge. The purpose of this group is to share your Tour experience.


I myself, having had to sell my spinning wheel in order to pay bills, am spinning on two different spindles: a Turkish spindle which was gifted to me by my wonderful new neighbor and landlady, Fiona, and is thus named after her, and a top-whorl drop spindle made by Mike at The Spanish Peacock and named Ebbie Rose for her glorious ebony shaft and rosewood whorl. I'm spinning Wensleydale roving on Fiona, and Corriedale roving on Ebbie, and it's quite the experience--- they're both very different in the way that you spin them, at least for me! Once I'm done with the 4+ ounces of each of those, I have 8 ounces of Blue-Faced Leicester and 4 ounces of handpainted Seawool to spin. This is my goal--- to spin all of this fiber before the Tour is over:


This is my Ravatar (avatar at Ravelry) during the Tour:



I'll post my progress later tonight after I upload the photos... which will be after I charge up the camera, which took its last photo of yesterday's progress before dying.

Wish me luck!

SOLV's Great Oregon Spring Beach Cleanup!!

Yahoo! It's that time again, boys and girls--- time to break out your rubber gloves and windbreakers, sweatpants and sweatshirts. Don't forget your hat and sunglasses, too, just in case it's sunny--- you don't want to miss a piece of trash because of that rare sunbeam!

Yep, that's right--- it's time for the biannual Great Oregon Beach Cleanup, put on by SOLV! This year's Spring Cleanup is this Saturday, March 20, 2010. Although, to tell you the truth, you can actually pick up trash at the beach any time you go there, the cool thing about this is that you'll have hundreds of other people out there at the same time as you, doing the same thing--- not to mention the fact that official SOLV volunteers will take your trash bags to the dump for you so that you don't have to pack it home.

I remember one year my girlfriend and I were 3 hours late to the cleanup--- the official time is from 10am-1pm--- so we got weird looks from the SOLV volunteers at the site when we requested bags upon our arrival. We explained that since we were late, we intended to pick up trash for 3 hours and pack the trash home with us. They thought that was awesome, and gave us a few extra bags.

My girlfriend and I don't always make it to the cleanups, but we always note when it is and make a valiant attempt to get babysitters (when our husbands are being jerks and refuse to watch the kids while we're gone). This year my husband is gone, but I do have a sitter, and her husband has agreed to keep her kidlets, so we will be out there, as early as we can be, to make our mark on the beach where we can.

Anyone can do this, even some kids (mine require more overseeing than I can manage while still picking up garbage)--- I've seen Scout troops out there. For official SOLV stations, where you can get empty trash bags and leave the full ones, go here. Remember to bring your own rubber gloves, though--- they have provided some in the past, but I believe that they do not still do this. And trust me--- you'll want gloves!!

Another tip you'll want to know, since I've had to learn it the hard way, is this: Walk as far down the beach as you're planning to clean, and THEN start picking up trash on your way back. As I said, I've learned this the hard way, picking up trash as I walked as far as I could--- which generally meant until I was tired--- and then had to haul all that trash all the way back, getting still heavier as I found more trash I'd missed before (and sometimes skipping the heavier stuff 'cause I was so tired!), being completely exhausted by the time I got back to the starting site. I only did this twice before learning the lesson. I find now that I can do a much better job of cleaning if I pick up the trash only on my way back, because I have more energy.

Reposted from the SOLV website, just in case you don't see it (any bolding is mine):

General Safety Tips

* Plan for the weather with layers of clothing, sunscreen, rain gear, etc.
* Wear gloves and sturdy shoes.
* Work with a partner and watch out for each other’s safety.
* Watch out for other volunteers’ safety, especially when working close together.
* Pace yourself, don’t overexert.
* Take breaks, rest, don’t work continually. Drink water, eat a snack.
* Follow common sense practices when lifting heavy items: use your knees, not your back.
* Fill collection bags only 2/3 full, especially when handling heavy items.
* Be sure that you are physically capable of what you intend to do before you attempt it; ask for help if you need it.
* Watch for any heavy equipment, trucks or winches that might be used on-site.
* Watch for poison oak, poison ivy, Giant Hogweed, or other plants to which you may be allergic.
* Wear heavy gloves, long sleeves and long pants around blackberry plants.
* Leave the site if hazardous conditions, such as disturbed bee hives exist, especially if you have an allergy or are otherwise susceptible to the conditions.
* Use sunscreen and mosquito repellant when outdoors

Safety tips for youth volunteers

* Confirm age restrictions for the project site.
* Review safety information and “rules” with youth before arriving at the site.
* Supervise youth activities on site.

When working on the beach

* Watch for sneaker waves: never turn your back on the ocean.
* Stay away from logs in or near the surf.
* Use caution on steep banks and cliffs. Follow posted safety information.

When working around water

* Use caution around swift running water.
* Wear a life jacket when using a boat or raft.

When working near traffic

* Wear a safety vest.
* Stay off the roadway
* Stop often to orient yourself and make sure you’re not wandering close to traffic.

When working on steep slopes or banks

* Make sure your footing is stable.
* Stay away from cables that may be used to haul items upward.

When encountering hazardous items: Don’t touch – Mark the item and contact the Site Coordinator

* Identify each item before you touch it. If you are uncertain about an item, leave it alone.
* Do not touch medical waste or hazardous materials, including syringe needles, bandages and condoms.
* Don’t touch containers with unidentified liquid or material in them.
* Don’t touch propane gas tanks. They may be used to manufacture illegal drugs and can explode.

In case an accident occurs

* Know where the first aid kit is.
* Know where the nearest medical facility is located.
* Know where the nearest phone is. If it’s a cell phone, make sure you have a dial tone. Dial 9-1-1 if emergency medical care is required – know your location.


Hope to see you out there!

Library time...

I took the boys to the library tonight.

I'm wondering now whether the librarians will ever forgive me for that.

My preschooler was fascinated by the button which made the door swing open for the handicapped (or for those with their hands full of books), and he kept pushing it while I was trying to help his brother find a book or DVD. The librarians had to speak up several times to remind him not to play with the button. I had to physically go remove him from the button--- or the doorway--- each time. *^_^*

Older Son, on the other hand, was impossible to please. He had his heart set on the Dora the Explorer video he spotted upon entrance to the library, and was crestfallen when I pointed out we have no VCR upon which to play it. Since he couldn't have that, he wanted another DVD... and this was the tricky part. There was nothing which caught his interest in that particular branch.

He insisted on looking through the card catalog (which nowadays is computerized), and, after much unproductive searching, was disheartened to learn that anything available in this branch was already on the shelf... which we'd already scoured. So then he started to wander the library, looking to see what else was available.

This would not normally be an issue... except that his little brother chose at that time to start following him wherever he went. And this did not sit well with our young hero.

"Stop following me!" Dart to another area... shadow only a few steps behind him.

"STOP FOLLOWING ME! Mom, make him stop!!" And he was off to another section, followed swiftly by the inquisitive bother... I mean, brother.

I sighed and checked out my books, then went to where I last saw them... in the vault.

Side note: This branch apparently used to be a bank branch, complete with a vault. The mighty door, a foot thick, stands permanently open, welded in place so that no one will be locked inside.

Or so we all thought.

I found my boys there... with a smoky glass door between them.

A locked glass door, with my older son on the inside.

I stood there, gently pushing on the door (I didn't want to break the door) as a librarian came up... and she let out a quiet exclamation of concern. "Where did that door come from?!?" she asked.

I shrugged, somewhat amazed that she worked there and didn't know it existed. I didn't know where it came from, either. Before she'd walked up, I'd guessed that it slid down, as there was space under the bottom... and then I realized that there was also space over the top, which invalidated that idea.

"But how did it get locked?" was her next question.

Again, I didn't know the answer.

But my Squid did.

"I turned the little knob here," he said, pointing. And he just stood there.

Typical Squid.

Slightly exasperated, I told him, "Then unlock it!" So he reached up and did so.

The librarian and I pushed the door open, and as I hurried my boys back out, she wondered aloud, "But where did it come from? I've never seen it before!"

Older Son piped up again: "It was back against that wall."

The librarian told me there used to be a small table there, which apparently held the door back so that no one noticed it. She sent her coworker to look, because she, too, hadn't known it existed before my boy decided to lock himself into the vault... just to escape his little brother.

I seriously wonder if they're going to remember us when we come back... or if they'll run for cover.

Trust....

Question: How do you depend upon a support system which does not trust you?

Answer: you don't. You can't.

I guess I really can't post more than that. I can't afford to burn bridges which are ---so far--- still standing.

Skunked!

We were skunked, not twenty minutes ago.

>.<

o.O

It started out an early night, with my tucking in both boys at 9:15pm--- very early, considering the younger boy, age three, usually catches a late nap and is then up until midnight. I was groggy from my allergy meds (taken to help dry up my nose from the cold my older son generously gave me last week), and I received a phone call. I tried to keep it short, in an attempt to keep the younger son in a sleeping mood, but then the older boy, age eight, kept getting out of bed and sneaking around. I gave in and let him join the two of us in my somewhat empty king-sized bed. Lucy, our Schnoodle, was also in the jumble, snuggled under the covers between us.

Then that dreadful squalling began.

I knew exactly what it was, because I've heard it before... almost always just before that awful, peppery stench starts seeping upward into the house. It's a real-life nightmare, one I hope I never experience in my sleep.

Then Lucy heard it and scrambled out of the covers to investigate, followed by my preschooler. I knew there was no danger, so I stayed in bed, trying to ignore it... until my second-grader piped up.

"Mom, Danny's making noise."

Deep breath. "No, dear. That's not Danny. That's the skunk."

"But he's doing this:" and he demonstrates.

"Sweetheart, that is the skunk."

By this time the blasted skunk has run under my bedroom floor, directly under us, still screaming at whatever demon is chasing it. It must be a demon--- what other creature alive dares to continue to attack a skunk after being sprayed numerous times? S/he's so close I can actually hear the spraying--- a first for me! And Lucy has joined in the fray... or at least as closely as she can while still being separated from her prey by floorboards. Her excited barks, amazingly, do nothing for the skunk.

I find this odd, actually. I understand that skunks hate dogs, so I was sure that Lucy's shrill barks would trigger yet more spraying... but I am beginning to think that instead, her yelps scared off the skunk's attacker, saving us from yet more malodorous offerings.

Thank God for that!!

My sleepiness is gone now. I did try to go back to sleep, but the boys would hear nothing of it. I finally made them a bed on the futon couch in the living room, where the stench is much less strong. Oddly, the worst place is the bathroom, probably because it's closed up (preschooler prevention program--- I'm tired of fishing entire rolls of toilet paper out of the toilet). I'll have to go open up the tiny window in the shower to let it air out overnight.

On a lark, I decided (just before writing this blog post) to look up what predators the skunk has. So far I've discovered that they include Great Horned Owls, coyotes and dogs, cougars, bobcats and foxes... none of which are under my house, I'm certain!

The fun thing is that I have a parenting class tomorrow at 9am... and my clothes will, as they always do after an adventure like this one, bear that oh, so pleasant aroma of eau de skunk. What will be even better is if the facilitators decide it smells like pot, as have numerous of my daughter's friends in the past.

Joy.

As for the skunk, I've spotted an ad for a used live trap for $15. My cousin told me to use tuna for the bait. I'll call on the trap in the morning.

Runaway

Mine daughter has runned away. *sniff* They grow up so fast......

Seriously, though--- she left home last Sunday after declaring that she was not coming back.

She is 15 years old.

I'm not dealing with this very well.

Of course, it would be worse if I didn't know where she is, which is at her step-grandmother's house. There is no way on earth I'd allow her to be out without knowing that!

I am rather tired of her drama, honestly. She won't tell me what is so wrong that she cannot stay here, just that I'm so annoying that she cannot stand me. To prove her point, last week I fell asleep on the couch just after she came home from school... and she stayed and minded the boys for me while I slept. She told me afterward that it was the only way she was willing to be around me.

Seriously, folks--- am I REALLY that annoying that no one wants to be around me??

I guess it's a good thing that my mom died a year ago. All the cwap that hit the fan in the year since her death... I don't know if she'd be able to deal with it. Heck, I don't know if I'd be able to deal with it if she were still alive to see it.

As it is, if I let myself think about it, I die a little each time inside.

A new year started.....

Wow. Is it really a new year? Seems like the new year actually started in August, at least as far as I'm concerned. That's when my husband was told by the Department of Human Services that he needed to move out, and I was told that I could not permit contact between him and the kids any more.

0.o

I am still in the process of realizing just how much control he had over our lives. And I am truly stunned by that realization.

You know how you don't always recognize just how close to the precipice you're standing until someone yanks you back to safety? That's how I feel now, and I'm reeling in disbelief that I've been so blind all these years.

For example:

I've longed all my life to live at the coast--- the beautiful, wild, unpredictable Oregon coast, to which my mother introduced me many, many years ago. I have never tried to hide this desire of mine, and my then-fiance told me, "Yeah, we can move there before the kids get out of school. I like the Depoe Bay area--- my aunt Nancy used to live there."

Several years after our marriage, however, his words changed to, "we'll move there after the kids are out of school." And Depoe Bay was never mentioned again.

I never gave up that dream. I did my best to make the drive to the nearest coastal town at least once every two months, and my refrain, whenever the kids drove me crazy or I was in the depths of despair, was always, "I want to go home." And by this time, even the kids knew that when I said, "home," what I really meant was the coast.

My husband was very quick to remind me, "You ARE home." And even though I knew he knew what I was saying, I repeated it anyway: "No. Home is where the heart is, and my heart is at the coast."

Eventually the promise became, "We'll move there after we retire." And then I knew that if I stayed married to this man, as I had always planned to do, because I was NOT going to repeat my parents' problems of failed marriages! then I would have to give up that elusive dream.

But I wasn't ready to start mourning it just yet. Life has a way of changing, and I thought to myself, I can save up my own money and buy some coastal property, just some undeveloped land, and I can use that for a vacation getaway, at least. Even if I only used it as my own private camping spot, that was better than nothing. Some dreams are never realized because the dreamers are inflexible. I was not going to let that happen!

Other examples included the furniture arrangement in the house. Whenever he got a yen for change, he'd start rearranging the furniture without asking if I minded. I didn't, of course, but then again, I didn't mind. The kitchen was my domain, and that was the only place I wanted organized a certain way.

Then suddenly he became the stay-at-home parent due to becoming disabled by MS. In his mind, that meant that the entire house was his to control. He started putting dishes in different cupboards, food and seasonings were shifted around to his liking, and I'd come home to cook and couldn't find anything. It drove me crazy, but anytime I tried to point out what I thought was common sense or what I'd learned in the ten extra years I had on him, he'd accuse me of never trusting him, of always thinking I knew better, of always pulling the "age" card. It never ended well.

Now here I am, a single parent to all intents and purposes, and I don't think he'd recognize the house if he ever saw it again. I've thrown out the couch and loveseat and replaced them with a futon sofa and futon chair, both made of nice oak. I don't think these two seats will be overrun by mice like the last ones were!

We also have a dog now--- Lucy, a 4- or 6-year-old Schnoodle bitch, who's actually very intuitive as to our feelings. She loves to cuddle with all of us, but especially me--- seems she was originally a lady's dog. She creeps into bed with all of us if we let her, nosing her way under the covers as though hiding from the world. I've taken any number of photos of her snuggling with the kids. Hubby's attitude was always, "I'm a cat person." But we got neither, because of my horrendous allergies... and Lucy does not aggravate them! It's been over a quarter of a century since I was last able to cuddle with a dog like I do with Lucy!

At any rate, I'm really not done bitching about the hold he had over us, but I'm falling asleep, so I'll come back later and finish this post! Sleep well, and thanks for listening!