Sunday, January 29, 2012

Graduation!

My middle child, my Oldest Son (as I usually refer to him online, though sometimes he's Squid) graduated from The Child Center on Friday, January 27, 2012!

Woooooo!

SquidGraduates

According to The Child Center's webpage:

Our mission is to provide individualized, diagnostic, therapeutic and educational services for the emotional and behavioral problems children exhibit in the home, school and community; provide integrated community based psychiatric and support services that are child centered, family driven and culturally competent; to advocate for preventative and educational services from community resources and to promote and/or develop other specialized services for children with serious mental, emotional and behavioral disorders and their families.

Older Son has been attending school there (in the Willow classroom) since November 29, 2010.

Most kids are expected to be there about nine months--- sometimes more, sometimes less. Older Son, however, was already having behavioral issues due to the abuse visited upon him by his sperm donor... and then, four months after starting classes there, he and Youngest were removed by DHS because of my mental issues, and things got worse before they became better.

I've been having memory issues lately, so I'm not certain exactly when he started seriously working to "stay in program" during the day, but it seemed to me that it was roughly a month ago. I believe, however, that he was supposed to demonstrate his ability to stay in program for 90 days before he would be allowed to graduate, so I suspect my memory of when he was last having difficulties with this are flawed.

I found out about his graduation just a few days before the actual event, and luckily was able to catch a ride to it from my mother-in-law. My sister-in-law, brother-in-law, and their daughter Krista joined us in the classroom, and we were invited to sit down amongst the other students. Youngest sat in the midst of everyone, near his big brother's desk.

Unfortunately, at that moment I started to have a panic attack, which became stronger as people tried to encourage me to sit in the midst of all of those present. I just shook my head and stood with my back to the door and concentrated on my son, trying to calm myself.

My Squid was decked out in a (too long) green graduation gown (his favorite color, as it is mine!) with a black graduation cap (sans tassel) on his head. He walked out carefully from the hallway to the front of the room, and perched on the tall stool that stood ready for him in front of the whiteboard, facing the rest of us.

His face was so solemn!

First he was given a gift from the class, which was hidden inside his desk. He was directed to it via "hot/cold" being shouted by everyone in the classroom (when I called out, "Ice cube!" it was met with laughter). It turned out to be a book (sorry, I can't recall the title!), a Beyblade, and a Lego kit which I didn't see clearly enough to identify.

At that point, Wendy had him come fetch a gift bag from her, to present to the staff members. It was a money tree (Pachira aquatica) for the classroom.

One of the boys asked, "If it grows dollar bills, can I have some?"

Wendy turned to him, smiling, and said, "If it grows dollar bills, you call me!" which was met with amused laughter from the knowing adults.

Then each student and staff member took turns reading letters they had each written to Older Son, in turn followed by his reading a letter which he had written to each of them. While the others wrote sundry things, Squid kept to a theme: every single letter he wrote, whether to an adult or a classmate, ended with, "Do your best." This brought renewed laughter whenever it was addressed to staff members!

It must be said that Older Son's Behavioral Support Specialist, Leah, was moved to tears and wasn't able to read her letter to him. I think she feels endings as strongly as do I. She gave him a hug, which I thought was very unusual (you hear stories of how teachers aren't allowed to hug students for fear of being accused of molestation), but which I totally understood. She came to me and hugged me, too, later, which also surprised me--- not Squid's foster mother, my sister-in-law Wendy, with whom Leah had dealt with so much more, but ME.

I guess it surprised me because I have never really felt that, since Older Son and Youngest were removed from my home, the people who directly worked with Squid actually wanted to include me, since they preferred to communicate with Wendy. Even during meetings, I felt I was being addressed as an afterthought.

I guess I'll never really know.

Afterward, the official graduation was done, with the presentation of his "diploma" by his teacher, Sarah. She then assigned him the task of passing out brownies for the graduation party, and suggested he choose someone to help pass out tissues for use as napkins.

Most of his classmates raised their hands, clamoring to be selected.

Instead, Squid looked at his baby brother--- the bane of his existence, if his behavior during our visits is to be believed!--- and said, "You want to help me?"

Youngest slowly nodded, his eyes wide. (Trust me. Even though I couldn't see his eyes, I know they were wide. His eyes are always wide, just like his brother's have been for most of his life!)

It was the sweetest demonstration of brotherly love I've seen in so long!

After everyone ate, the kids all went outside to play together for the last time while we adults gathered all of Squid's belongings to leave the school forever.

It was a bittersweet moment in a joyous day.

I wasn't sure we would ever reach that day. But though the road was so much harder than we thought it would be when this journey began, I can definitely say it was worth it.